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How Getting Back into the Kitchen with Your Spouse Could Save Your Marriage




Getting back into the kitchen with your spouse can be a fun adventure. It will bring spice to your marriage, compliment each others unique cooking skills or lack of cooking skills, and bring you closer together.

When I married Lance, my cooking skills were extremely pitiful. What made it worse was his mother was an amazing cook. I struggled for years and years (and years) to learn how to cook. I wanted to please my husband, but failed more than succeeded. 

Lance was from Arizona, and Mexican food was a big part of his growing up. I grew up in Utah and had never even had chips and salsa. He suffered and I suffered. Meals became a stress for both of us. Then, I learned a valuable lesson. I didn’t need to feel intimidated by his mother’s cooking (she certainly wasn’t even aware of my intimidation). Once I let that go, I learned to cook in a way that honored how I was raised and how Lance was raised.

One of the special blessings I obtained when I married Lance is having full access to his culinary resources. Instead of feeling discouraged because I didn’t know how to cook meals that were pleasing to him, I allowed Lance into ‘my’ kitchen and we began creating meals together. Soon, I found out that my husband had a gift for using spices in ways I’d never imagined.

Now, you might be saying to yourself, “That’s all fine and dandy BeckyJane, but:

1.       my spouse refuses to get into the kitchen!"
2.       my spouse refuses to let me in the kitchen!"
3.       I can’t cook, how can I contribute?"
4.      when we’re both in the kitchen we just get in each other’s way, it’s too stressful."
5.       our lives are so busy, we never have time for home cooked meals!"
6.       we wouldn’t even know where to begin."

Let’s go more in depth with #6.  Knowing where to begin getting back in the kitchen with your spouse can seem to be a pretty daunting task. I’ve broken this down into a few simple and easy steps to help you get started.

A.      Set aside some quiet time with your spouse to discuss getting back into the kitchen together. Make sure it’s a time when you are both relaxed.

B.      Discuss WHY getting back into the kitchen would benefit both of you.
a.       Healthier foods
b.      Spending time together creating something that will nourish your minds and bodies. Creating something positive together and on a regular basis is a good foundation for any successful marriage. 
c.       A good time to unwind and talk about the day’s events, your goals, dreams and desires.
d.      Come up with some of your own ideas as to why getting back in the kitchen together would be beneficial for both of you.

How Lance and I got back into our kitchen-


C.      Decide how each of you will contribute to meals. In our case, we equally share in deciding what to fix for dinner, we grocery shop together (it’s actually a fun date night for us). Lance does most of the cooking and I make sure the meal is balanced out with fresh vegetables and possibly a dessert.
a.       Note: ending a meal on a nutritious sweet note such as – fresh fruit, a smoothie, organic chocolates, etc. is very satisfying. 

D.      Depending on where you are with getting back into the kitchen with your spouse, start by adding just one EASY meal per week. For some of you, this will be a first. Don’t overwhelm yourself.
a.     Start out by deciding which day of the week and which meal would work best for the both of you.
b.     Make it extra special by adding candles, soft music, and the fancy dishes.
c.     Turn off all distractions such as cell phones, tv, computers, etc. Make this a time to focus fully on each other. (cell phones can wait until later – trust me).
d.      If you have children, include them in the cooking, table setting (they’ll love the candles), picking the music, etc. 

E.       Don’t get stressed if you burn the meal…it’s all a good experience and will give you added knowledge for next time! Laugh over successfully setting off the fire alarm, celebrate your attempt at cooking, then jump in the car and head for your favorite restaurant.  

~ With time and practice you and your spouse will become experts at creating healthy, nurturing meals together. ~

F.       Last of all, add a quiet moment before each meal to give thanks. This quiet time will allow your mind and heart to focus on gratitude and will create a healthier digestion and greater nutrient absorption. This will help you slow down and chew your food mindfully to experience all the sensations your 5 senses add to complete enjoyment of being together and feeding your mind, heart, and soul.

In my Couple Coaching Programs, I support couples who want to get back in the kitchen. I provide easy meal planning tips, recipes, shopping guides, and more. If you are interested in learning about my programs, please contact me HERE. I love empowering couples in helping them create a healthy and happy relationship with each other. Life is so good!


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 With love and gratitude,


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